We all have weak spots. You know those areas where the enemy knows just what buttons to push and in what order to turn you into a wet noodle for Jesus? Yea, those. Its been my experience before this trip that he would hit one, maybe two, at a time pretty hard to cripple me. Sometimes it was striving for approval from my authorities or fear of rejection or even self-image. I won’t go through a whole list of my struggles on here, because I’m pretty sure that’s not what you came for.
This past week, though, was a different ballgame. It was physically difficult in continuing to adapt to NYC and such. It was emotionally difficult because of some things happening with various people I love outside of the city. And it was pretty spiritually difficult. I think Satan hit me hard with all of my major struggles at the same time this week. Talk about a combo platter. Last night found me discouraged and tired: hence the post about mountains.
But at the same time, God knew exactly what I needed today. He knew that if He didn’t send some encouragement my way today, there was a slim chance of me being very effective this coming week.
Today was so good. Solid conversation over brunch with the roommates. Finally being able to really talk with my mom for a bit! Then, God blessed me through one of the Gallery members, Elisabeth, with free tickets to Screwtwape Letters, one of my favorite books. Not only was it a blessing in that it saved me money and provided an incredible opportunity to see the show, but also it was highly encouraging. There’s one point where Screwtape is telling his nephew Wormwood about the cycle of highs and lows humans experience. It was an extremely timely reminder that we all face challenges and tough times. But it is only a time, a season. Where we are now will not last forever. Circumstances change. I am called (we are called) to press on in obedience during these times when we don’t desire to or understand why we must obey.
Then after some great time with the other 2 interns (and meeting Screwtape!), I had dinner with my boss from Houston’s sister-in-law, Jane. I cannot say how wonderful it was and how much of a blessing that time was to me!! This past week left me feeling like a boxer who wasn't exactly very talented at the sport. And when we’re in those times, it can be helpful to hear of how God has been faithful with others in our lives. Honestly, though, sometimes I find myself thinking along the lines of “that’s great that God did that for them…but when is He going to act for me?”. I know that’s awful, but it is honest.
It’s at that moment, I’ve found, that we need to be the one telling of God’s faithfulness. At dinner, Jane asked about how I heard about the internship, how I got here, where I’m living, etc. She apologized for asking so many questions and said she just wanted to hear all about it. What she didn’t know was that her questions were guiding me through testifying of God’s faithfulness to me over the past six months! It really is incredible that I ever heard of this internship, that I got this internship, that I didn’t give up this internship, and that I’m living with believers during this internship. He has been so unbelievably wonderful to me in this since January.
It’s so easy for me to get in this thinking pattern where I kind of see myself as being the last person on God’s list (it goes back to my fear of rejection). The enemy suggests that God is working with everyone else before He finally gets to me, and for some reason I’ve listened to him at points. But that is so untrue! He has been guarding me and providing for me this whole way. Without that guidance and protection from Him, I wouldn’t be in this city.
But He is so good!! And constantly consistent in His faithfulness. To you. I challenge you, in those times of doubt and uncertainty, to not wait for someone to tell you how God is acting on their behalf. Instead, make those statements yourself to them! There is power in verbalizing those things when we don’t see it happening in our flesh. There’s something extra in saying it when it’s hard.
Yes, it’s wonderful to share these things when we’re standing on the mountain peaks looking down. They can be great encouragement to another person climbing that mountain. But what about when we’re still on our way up? Those same statements have so much treasure stored inside them. At the point when we can barely breathe and we have no idea where the mountain peak is (let alone how to get there), it is crucial that we constantly speak of His goodness. His love. His faithfulness. His actions on your behalf. They’re like spiritual energy bars for the climb.
And now that I’ve used a Miley Cyrus song title in a blog post and I’m pretty sure it made me sick, I’m done for this one.
praying for your climb.
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